Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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