that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it because I queefed?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
