i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
