great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize