Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
