i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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