Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
