Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
