I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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