dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
