By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
