no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
