How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
