Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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