I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
