just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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