Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize