O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
