he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
