Sry I called you an 8
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
