last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
