I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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