my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
