Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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