Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
