What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
