She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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