I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I did not marry a roomba.
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