There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
