He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
