he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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