someone get that fucking seahorse.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
