he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
