don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
