the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
love makes seman taste better
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
