I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
