Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
