We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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