I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
