yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize