If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
