I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
