sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You dont lie about slip and slides
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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