doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
