So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize