I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
