just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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