whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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