My friends, they love my intelligence
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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