u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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