direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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