so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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