i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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