Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
