WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
