Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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