i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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