Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
