Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Come on in and take your pants off
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