You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize