I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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