To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
