apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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