I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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