Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
