I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
