omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
