I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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