1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
