She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
