...so i touched it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
