By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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