I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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