Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
