Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
