Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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