Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is the high leading the old right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
