I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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