Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
