her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
