I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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