I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
