drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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