So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
