we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize