Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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