she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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