Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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