The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
