I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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