She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
