Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
