ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
