She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Congratulations! We have a period
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