Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Farmville is her only friend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
