I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Holy shit dude........stairs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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