I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
