Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
